Grief Counselling for Loss, Bereavement and Traumatic Grief in Squamish and Online
Compassionate Support for Healing After Loss
Grieving the loss of a loved one is most often one of the most challenging experiences in a person’s life, which is especially significant in experiences of death that involves traumatic, complicated, or abrupt loss. I support clients through grief and loss therapy who are faced with navigating this difficulty journey. I offer in-person services of grief therapy in Squamish and online services for grief therapy throughout British Columbia.
Understanding Grief and Loss
Grief is an emotional response to the loss of someone, or something, that has been important to us. Grief is a painful result of the natural human drive to love and attach to other human beings. Grief comes with the incredible obstacles and burdens of not only losing the person(s) we love but also in having our lives change forever and informing others how to respond to these changes. The experience of shock in our nervous systems reverberates for months, and it can feel as though we cannot come up for air. We become disconnected from our physical, emotional, social, and spiritual selves. The experience of grief and pain intrudes all aspects of our being.
Grief is a naturally occurring intense emotional reaction to any perceived and subjective loss, which does not have to be recognized by others. Whenever there is a threat, harm, or ending to our attachments, we naturally grieve.
Grief can involve many normative and intense emotional responses, such as shock, disbelief, worry, fear, sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, and regret. It can also result in cognitive responses (difficulty concentration, confusion), physical responses (fatigue, sleep challenges, headaches, appetite changes), behavioural responses (withdrawing from others, crying), and social impacts (isolation, relationship strain, difficulty engaging with others).
Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or any other profound loss, grief affects everyone differently. Grief that is not traumatic in nature can often unfolds gradually and allow reduction of responses, as well as healing, over time.
For grief that is traumatic in nature, prolonged distressing and debilitating responses can occur. Processing the traumatic aspects of the loss can be helpful to support grieving to begin.
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Traumatic grief occurs when a loss is so sudden, unexpected, or distressing that it leaves a person in a state of emotional shock. Traumatic grief is multi-faceted and complex. The traumatic experiences or aspects behind a death of a loved one can create intense and prolonged responses. This type of grief can be accompanied by symptoms of post-traumatic stress, such as intrusive memories, nightmares, intense sadness, and difficulty functioning in daily life. Unlike typical grief, which usually lessens over time, traumatic grief can persist and even worsen without appropriate intervention.
Traumatic grief often manifests when the circumstances of the loss are violent, sudden, or involve a significant sense of injustice. This could include the death of a loved one in an accident, suicide, or other unexpected situations. The intensity of the emotions can make it challenging to process the loss in a healthy way, leaving the individual feeling stuck in their grief. Examples of losses that are can be experienced as traumatic in nature or that have complex/challenging circumstances to them are: car crashes, fires, accidents, degenerative diseases, terminal illness, cancer, man-made natural disasters, deaths by suicide, homicides, overdose/addictions, loss of an abusive person, loss of a child, and loss of a home/identity through war or immigration.
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If you’re experiencing traumatic grief, you may notice some of these intensely distressing responses:
Intrusive thoughts about the traumatic loss or the circumstances surrounding it — can include nightmares and flashbacks.
Avoidance of places, people, or activities
Emotional numbness or feeling disconnected with reality
Intense feelings of guilt, anger, or hopelessness
Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss, moving forward, or finding meaning in life after the loss.
Using alternate coping mechanisms to emotionally numb or disconnect, such as alcohol and/or substances
Responses of anxiety and panic or depression and suicidal thoughts
Feeling unable to connect with other loved ones, relationships, or activities formerly enjoyed
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Traumatic grief can be particularly debilitating because it not only involves mourning the loss but also grappling with the trauma surrounding the event. This can lead to feelings of helplessness, anger, guilt, and even physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or chronic pain. The combination of grief and trauma can disrupt every aspect of a person’s life, from relationships to work, and can make it difficult to find peace or closure. The trauma responses also can make a person unable to begin the grief process.
When grief remains unresolved, it can lead to long-term emotional and psychological difficulties, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can also strain relationships, interfere with daily functioning or work/school, and diminish a person’s quality of life.
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Grief therapy helps individuals process the emotional pain from loss, be it a loved one, a relationship, or significant life changes. Based on Bowlby and Parkes’ four stages of grief, the process often involves moving through stages like shock, disorganization, and eventual reorganization.
For a more active approach, Wolfelt’s six tasks of grieving provides actionable steps: acknowledging the loss, embracing pain, developing new identities, and more, helping clients engage in healing at their own pace.
To understand more about these theoretical approaches that guide my practice, please visit my blog post.
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Therapy can support those experiencing painful grief to acknowledge and process loss. It is immensely challenging and painful to integrate the loss of a loved one into our lives; a therapist can walk alongside a person navigating this painful path by offering their presence, bear witness to their pain, and support the person to honour the strengths and challenges involved. Counselling can also support people to make sense of what emotional parts or memories of their loved ones will remain with them.
Distinguishing between grief processes and traumatic experiences are also an important part of grief counselling. Understanding normative trauma responses to traumatic death can be validating for people experiencing prolonged responses to the death of a loved one that was traumatic or complex in nature.
What is EMDR
Experiences of traumatic loss and grief processes can be supported through Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy to help process the traumatic and negative memories or experiences surrounding the loss, as well as negative self-beliefs that may have been created, to help support a person to find a way forward. Traumatic grief can keep us hostage in the past traumatic loss experience; EMDR can help our nervous systems to not react in the present as is we are still in the traumatic experience and to process beliefs that may arise connected to the death (e.g. feelings of guilt, shame, blame, or regret).
EMDR is an evidence-based and structured therapy that involves recalling distressing events while simultaneously focusing on external stimuli and bilateral stimulation. This process helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories, reducing their emotional charge and allowing for more adaptive coping mechanisms to take root.
Traumatic Grief and EMDR
In the context of traumatic grief, EMDR can be particularly effective in helping individuals process traumatic memories surrounding the loss to reduce trauma responses. Ways EMDR can help are below:
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EMDR helps to desensitize the emotional impact of the traumatic event, allowing the individual to recall the loss without being overwhelmed by the trauma.
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Traumatic grief often involves a range of complicated mental health or emotional responses, such as guilt, anger, and unresolved questions. Coping strategies of alcohol or substance use can also be present. EMDR can help explore and process all these complicated and significant responses.
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By processing the trauma, individuals can begin to integrate their grief and loss in a way that allows them to remember their loved one that makes sense for them without reliving the traumatic aspects of the death. The goal of EMDR in the context of traumatic grief is not to forget a loved one, but to reduce the overwhelming pain associated with the traumatic aspects of the loss and remember a loved one with less distress to honour their memory while also finding a way to live in the present.
My Approach to Grief Therapy
As a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with specialized training in EMDR, I am committed to providing compassionate and effective support for those experiencing grief, including traumatic grief.
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My approach is to meet each client where they are in their grief journey, offering a safe and supportive space to explore their emotions, process their trauma, and find a path toward healing. Whether that be EMDR therapy or another integrative approach, I believe in a collaborative and customized approach that is based in a person’s unique grief process and goals for therapy.
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Safety is the ultimate priority where a secure and non-judgmental space is provided for a person to explore and express all aspects of their experience.
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I offer both in-person and online sessions based off the needs, desires, and preferences of the person I am supporting. EMDR therapy, as well as all other types of integrative therapy options, are offered both in-person and online. Sessions can be switched to online at anytime for any reason.
Navigating the Journey
Therapy does not make the loss of a loved one any less significant, devastating, or painful. It can help a person with prolonged responses they are experiencing that are impacting them in a way that are no longer serving them or continuing to re-enact trauma in their day to day. It can also help support a person to find ways in the present to cope with devastating experiences. It can help a person connect with the ways the impact of our loved ones remain through their strengths and resilience.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and when it is compounded by trauma, it can feel impossible to navigate alone. EMDR offers a powerful tool for processing traumatic grief, allowing individuals to heal and move forward with their lives while honoring the memory of their loved one.
How to Begin Working with a Grief Counsellor
If you are struggling with grief or traumatic grief and feel stuck in your healing process or experiencing difficulties with finding a way forward, I invite you to reach out and explore how EMDR therapy can help process the trauma surrounding the loss. Together, we can work towards healing and finding a way to live meaningfully after experiencing devastating loss. Please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions or concerns with scheduling a complimentary introductory consultation.